Barbara Klein, Ed.D.

If there were a simple answer to the complicated social issues related to the making of friends that gifted children commonly have, I would put my answer in BOLD on the internet for parents of gifted children.

Social development is often an issue for gifted children. All too often, parents hear unqualified people say, “Your child is autistic.” Don’t listen to unqualified opinions about your child. People such as teachers or coaches, or even your relatives, may just be having a hard time connecting/dealing with your child. Educational research has shown that the teacher if the most important person in your child’s day. The teacher who said your child is autistic is having a hard time connecting to your child.

If your child is shy, apprehensive, or slow to warm up to new people, even though he or she is curious, alert, and intellectually inclined, don’t worry. Gifted children are commonly anxious in new social situations. The social anxiety of gifted children is very different than the social-skills issues of autistic children.

Autistic children learn social behavior (social skills) by following the directions of a trained adult. Gifted children who are apprehensive in new situations learn social skills using their intellectual strengths, and through past experiences. Speaking with gifted children about their social problems and grouping them with children who have similar problems is very effective in increasing their social skills and making of friends.

Mainstreaming gifted children is essential. Placing bright and talented children with children who are not communicative is sure to cause boredom and self-criticism for your gifted child. Social skills will not be acquired in a behavioristic classroom.

What helps precocious children with social anxiety are:
1.  Talking about their anxious feelings in social situations and neutralizing their anxiety. For examp[le, you might say, “I was very anxious meeting new people when I was your age.” Gifted children often feel inadequate on the playground. Explain to your child that lots of children have this problem. Try asking, “Do you want to make a playdate with someone you get along with?”
2.  Mainstreaming with other gifted children.
3.  Role playing social situations.
4.  Reading stories about social anxiety, and hearing how it was successfully turned around.
5.  Social anxiety/social skills play groups.

Labelling your child as autistic is a dangerous option that is used too frequently by non-professionals. Ask any specialist how much experience they have with social anxiety in gifted children. You might ask the specialist for references from the children they worked with to make sure you have the right person to work with your child.