Barbara Klein, Ed.D.

While not often discussed, comparing the personalities of twins could lead to various downfalls in a twin’s social life and development. From my experience being labeled as the quieter, introverted, and less talkative twin, I often felt increasingly more self-conscious regarding social performance, especially in a society where introverts are heavily misunderstood.

My personal experience with twin comparisons became more intense when my twin sister and I transferred to a very small school, where we spent most of our adolescence. We were not only new students at a small and cliquish school, but we were also the only twins in our age group at that school, which invited more curiosities and judgements than what we were accustomed to.

As the misunderstood introvert overshadowed by my sister’s talkativeness, I felt overburdened by the comparisons made by students and teachers alike. Feeling misunderstood and devalued as the quieter and less outgoing twin, my social anxiety only worsened through the years, as I greatly internalized my social performance. My feelings of self-consciousness, inadequacy, and invisibility followed me everywhere, regardless of whether my twin sister was by my side or not. I felt scrutinized when I was speaking in class when she wasn’t present, while I adapted to a role that I thought was expected of me, to be quieter and less bold. I felt overly judged and watched when I did actually speak, because I equated the label of shyness with weakness.

As my sister took command of conversations, I took the passive role of a quiet listener. Although this dynamic felt secure at times, I still spent countless years struggling to feel more confident and comfortable in certain social situations. I felt vulnerable and inadequate when my sister was not around, but there were times where I felt the same way when she was present. While she had the natural tendency to dominate conversations, she was also protective of me and quick to jump in to interrupt me if she worried that I was not saying something right. My sister was also affected by twin comparisons in that she would worry that my words or actions would somehow fall upon her and influence others’ perceptions of her.