Twins Helping Twins: Educational peer support group comments
L.: “I learned that I am not alone, that estrangement from my twin is not my fault, and that twin estrangement is very common.”
M.: “I love the support we give each other for where we are in relationship with our twin. Some twins are establishing a no-contact rule. Others in the group have come out the other side of total estrangement. Knowing that we have the possibility of re-establishing some sort of a relationship gives me hope.”
Like many other twins, the first group meeting for C. was “like coming home.”
C.: “Your direction and insights are more authentic because you are an estranged twin. Group support has helped me feel less damaged and entitled to be angry at my sister.”
S.: “Listening to my peers has helped me realize that being a twin in a non-twin world creates all kinds of misunderstandings with non-twins. Sometimes I expect too much from others or offer more than I need to give. When communication with others is awkward I feel sad and lonely.”
M.: “Continual comparisons and competition for attention made it difficult for me to feel close to my sister, even though I love and value her. When my twin gets too much attention and affection from other people I care about I feel angry. This leads to fighting and strong disappointments. Hearing from other twins in our group that sharing friends can create deep resentments has really helped me to gain confidence in myself and to share my feelings with my sister.”
L.: “I tried so hard to get over feeling bad about myself. I was lonely and believed I would get through these strong and confusing emotions by overdoing my accomplishments. Overachievement did not help the loneliness. I missed the closeness that my twin’s understanding gave me. But her anger at me for being different than her was extremely difficult to deal with. My sister used her friends to get back at me for not being her clone.”
S.: “Twin group enables me to see myself in others before I see it in myself. When a twin member has a problem, I find it natural to speak up and advocate for our twin--whether for self-care or stepping back and letting someone else worry for a while. Ironically, it is harder to heed my own suggestions. Twin members can gently remind me of my advice to others that I should take for myself.”
Original artwork copyright 2022 by David Stewart Klein. Thank you, David.
