The Legacy of Twinship
Twins have a really strong attachment to one another. As children they rely on each other at home, in school and with new friends. Sometimes twins are extremely close and value one another. As twins take their own life paths they can miss one another terribly or fight endlessly with each other about their individual decisions. Learning to respect and then honor your twin’s decisions can be very difficult because of the interdependence that twins share with each other. It can be hard to accept what your brother or sister may be doing because you are hurt by their actions or feel diminished and humiliated.
Twins have a hard time seeing themselves as totally separate from their “other half” because they actually do enjoy being twins and having a continual companion and mentor. Often twins value their sister or brother’s opinion way too much for their own good. Too much closeness between twins makes fighting worse and separation anxiety from each other more intense. Individual development is a sure cure for too much intensity because it diffuses attachment issues.
Learning to relate to nontwins can be difficult and confusing because “normal” relationships are much less intense than twin relationships. I write about the entire issue in detail in my new book, Alone in the Mirror: Twins in Therapy.