Barbara Klein, Ph.D.

From Examiner.com, under Los Angeles, Education and Schools, Dr. Kari Miller interviews me:

http://www.examiner.com/x-10067-LA-Special-Education-Examiner~y2009m10d25-Special-educational-needs-and-the-gifted-child--Perfectionism-and-asynchronous-development#

and please take a look at Kari Miller's separate article: "Gifted and learning disabled: Students who are twice exceptional"

http://www.examiner.com/x-10067-LA-Special-Education-Examiner~y2009m10d25-Gifted-and-learning-disabled--Students-who-are-twice-exceptional

If the link is disabled: here is the text:

What constitutes intellectual giftedness?

IQ is often used as the basic measure for giftedness. The most common standardized tests used to measure intelligence are the Stanford-Binet Intelligence Test and the Wechsler Scales of Intelligence. IQ scores between 130 and 145, or the 98th percentile, are considered to be in the gifted range. Scores above 145, or the 99th percentile, are considered to be in the high gifted range.

Although the Stanford-Binet and the Wechsler Scales are used to measure general intellectual abilities, many practical professionals who work with children think that there should be a way to test for multiple intelligences, a more refined and diverse theory of intelligence. They are searching for a definition of giftedness that will apply to all children in all areas of intellectual, musical, scientific, linguistic, mathematical and artistic endeavor. Since each of these talents is unique, there is no “one size fits all” definition that can be used to describe the gifted child.

Characteristics of the gifted or highly gifted may include abilities or talents significantly beyond their chronological age in any area, extreme capacity for creative or divergent thinking, psychological insight, or social responsibility with leadership skills.

Ellen Winner (Gifted Children: Myths And Realities, 1996) defines three atypical characteristics of gifted children that go beyond a measurement on an IQ test. Gifted children:
    •    Are precocious and learn more quickly and easily than typical children.
    •    Insist on marching to their own drummer, which includes the ability to learn quickly on their own, and the ability to make up rules as they go along. Very smart children solve problems in novel and idiosyncratic ways.
    •    Have a rage to master. They are intrinsically motivated to make sense of the area in which they show precocity, which often includes an obsessive and sharp focus on their own interests.

In brief, gifted children are:
    •    critical thinkers
    •    creative, rapid learners
    •    curious
    •    capable of being highly communicative
    •    extremely perceptive
    •    able to retain information easily
    •    committed to a task which they pursue resourcefully and in detail
    •    highly sensitive

In situations where gifted children feel out of place or misunderstood they can act in highly anxious or in other emotional ways. Very smart children may have socialization problems and feel awkward because of their intellectual superiority in comparison to their peer group. Gifted children are often treated as “strange” by other children because they are so smart.

One important and difficult characteristic I have encountered and observed many times with gifted children and their parents is perfectionism. Parents of extremely smart children are usually extremely smart as well. If they are involved with their children, parents want only the “best” for every child-rearing situation. This intensity can create another layer of difficulty or stress for both the parent and the child in day-to-day relations. The sense of urgency that everything must be accomplished according to high standards leads me to conclude that most gifted parents tend to be perfectionists who may have unrealistic expectations for themselves and their children. This is definitely something to watch out for and try to avoid.

What special learning needs do individuals with intellectual gifts have?

Perfectionism creates most of the special learning needs of gifted children, who want to be able to learn everything instantly. Frustration when learning to do new things that are difficult can be overwhelming for them. Gifted children need to learn how to cope with tasks with which they struggle.

Social development is also different in gifted children, and can create problems when making friends. Teaching basic social interactions may be necessary for some gifted children. Finding friends with similar interests is crucial. Developing a social structure for the child to understand himself or herself as part of a group fosters healthy self-esteem.

Why do intellectually gifted individuals have these kinds of needs?

Gifted children have asynchronous development: learning highs and learning lows based on perfectionism and low frustration tolerance. These special needs are reflective of high intelligence and emotional intensity. Sometimes gifted children are twice exceptional (2E) and have learning disabilities or other special needs.

How can the special educational needs of gifted students be met?

Understanding is the first step in meeting the needs of the gifted child. Parents and teachers usually notice the quirky learning patterns of their children or students. After a psycho-educational or neuropsychological assessment of learning strengths and weaknesses, parents and teachers need to make a plan to help the child learn, and make a commitment to follow the plan. Remembering that gifted children are hard rather than easy to raise helps parents and teachers keep their perspective.

When does a parent know that their child's behavior signals a need for intervention?

If your child is bored or complains that school or homework is too easy, this is a sign that you need to ask for help. If your child is being left out or bullied or refuses to go to school, you need to look for someone to advocate and intervene for your child.

What types of intervention are helpful?

A psycho-educational or neuropsychological evaluation that reveals the learning strengths and needs of the child is necessary. Educational therapy, tutoring, a plan for school accommodations, mentoring, or psychotherapy may be necessary. Parent and teacher education about how to work with gifted kids is critical. My book, Raising Gifted Kids, is very helpful.

How can parents get the correct help their child needs?

There is no one answer. The correct help will depend on the resources of the school and the family. Important indicators that the right tools for you and your child are in place is when your child is truly engaged at school, and homework is not stressful for you or your child.

Other ways that parents can find support and information include:
    •    Join a parenting group in your area
    •    Participate in an online educational group for gifted kids
    •    Attend conferences such as the California Association for the Gifted (CAG) or Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted (SENG)

In what areas does your child need help?
Gifted children often have problems organizing their work, staying focused, and completing their work. Is your child very advanced and confident in some areas --- contrasted with poor performance, anxiety, and helplessness in other areas? Does your child daydream? Daydreaming and losing attention and focus on the work at hand can sometimes be confused with attention deficit and other behavioral problems.

Does your child need a tutor? Or perhaps enrichment and socialization experiences? Is your child in the right school (for him or her)? Perhaps you would like to find a support group for yourself.

Call me at (310) 443-4182 to talk about these or any other issues.

Psychological understanding and information about how to parent have changed and redefined the role of the parent drastically. How to parent is taken seriously by devoted mothers and fathers. Still, there are fundamental aspects of parenting that make it very challenging. Let’s look at how times have changed for parents and children as well as what issues present the same old problems.
      In the 1950s my childhood was ridiculously simple compared to children today who have nearly every moment of their lives planned out. I walked to school in West Hollywood with my twin sister without fear of “wrongdoing” in the neighborhood. Marjorie and I did our homework as we were told. When we did goof off and play instead of being serious we kept this between ourselves. We knew that we were not allowed to be obviously fooling around or complaining. Rude behavior to teachers or parents was not acceptable. We were given new clothes regularly. We had dolls and other toys and books. Electronic stimulation did not exist, though there were movies.
      My parents, although seemingly overprotective, were not psychologically savvy about my emotional need to be different from my twin. Actually, they capitalized on our twinship, perhaps feeling that the extra work of raising twins was in some way compensated by our quasi-celebrity status (in sleepy West Hollywood). As Marjorie and I grew older their indifference to our individuality created serious problems in all areas of our lives.
      I vowed to give my children a better childhood. I paid an enormous amount of attention to their inner worlds. Richard and Elizabeth were treated as unique and important individuals. They attended progressive schools that brought out their curiosity and interests. I was interested in their learning struggles and helped them when they had problems, which they openly shared with me. Unlike my sister and me, they were academically challenged. Countless social situations helped them to learn about who they were. Extras included computers, cars, clothes, and travel experiences.
      While my children were exposed to many different lifestyles they also understood what my limits and expectations for them were. My adult children are more well rounded than me because I gave them a richer childhood. But I was busy and driven to support them financially and to achieve, which provided good role modeling and also a sense of pressure toward perfectionism. I wasn’t calm enough. I wasn’t up on the latest like today’s parents.
      I fell short because I wasn't educated enough about the facts and factors that make for a good parent-child relationship and a healthy childhood. Knowledge about child development and how to parent gives mothers and fathers direction and power. But parenting is not an easy job even with the overwhelming variety of knowledge, consumer products, school options and enrichment activities. The mysteries of parenting can only be solved in the moment of parent-child interactional stress, like the following story suggests.
      Rachel, a smart and outgoing three-year-old, bit her twin brother at preschool. Lila, the director, called Mom at work and reported that Rachel would have to stay home from school for an entire day if her behavior recurred. Mom, with her husband’s help, had to decide how much importance she was going to place on Rachel’s transgression. Should they pressure their daughter to be perfectly behaved or should they write off her aggressive behavior as age appropriate? There is no prescription for this kind of incident. But Rachel’s parents look into themselves for an answer and decide to go easy on the consequences.
      Parenting is a hands-on perpetual motion experience. You cannot avoid this reality. It is hard to be a Dad or Mom because drawing a clear emotional line between you and your child is extremely difficult and tricky. From conception, fathers and mothers have fantasies and expectations for their child. Parents, whether they know it or not or will admit it or not, want to give their child what they did not get from their own parents. Countless examples come to my mind, such as parents who were very poor as children and want to give their own children the luxury of financial stability. Children who are living for their parents get what their mother and father did not receive, but Mom and Dad might be left with resentments because they deprived themselves.
      Positive and negative aspects of this psychological phenomena of identification (seeing yourself in your child’s eyes) come rushing into my thoughts. A basic of amount of attention for your child can never be harmful. And yet, over-attention, hypervigilance and indulgence can be as harmful to the family as ignorance and neglect. Why is it so hard to decide when enough is enough? Why do parents have a hard time saying no? Identification between parent and child begins at birth as the parent reacts to their infant’s need for comfort and care. Mom and Dad see what is necessary for their newborn to thrive. Then, parents do more. They think about what it means to be a mother or father. Parents project onto their infant what they did not get. They plan, hope, worry, overdo, ignore, dismiss, and seek out advice and help.
      While feeding and changing their growing baby and shopping and saying no in just the correct fashion, many decisions are made. The baby grows into a toddler and into childhood and takes in all that he or she is served with, including the family’s values about the meaning of life. Beautiful parents might hold high regard for aesthetic perfection and lead their children to seek out the most attractive options in life. Rich parents give their children the tools of how to make money. Smart fathers and mothers value education and the power of the intellect, often forgetting the practical or hands-on. Creative parents value artistic production above all else. The child learns through direct interventions and osmosis what is important to Mom and Dad.
      Fortunately, the child is not a clone of Mom and Dad and responds in his or her own way to their gifts of direction and vision. Although parents want their sons and daughters to embrace their wisdom, it is expectable and understandable when they rebel against the family’s unstated and clearly expressed expectations. The assertive attorney values cutthroat decision making, yet her daughter has a softer personality and is overwhelmed by her mother’s edgy expectations. She wants to be a poet. The religious zealot has a son who wants to be a baseball player. The ballerina’s daughter becomes an accountant. Only with time do parents learn to deal with their children’s unique choices.
      Hopefully, parents will come to know their children for who they are and embrace how they are different. What is really helpful in drawing the line between what is best for your child and what you think is best is an awareness of how your child is different from you and your spouse. You might ask yourself these questions:
     •In what ways am I different from my child?
     •How is my child different from my spouse?
     •What parts of our identities are similar?

Answering these questions will help you to understand if you are giving to yourself or if you are giving to your child. It follows that you will better understand when it is appropriate to say yes and when no is the better answer. Parents need to decide in a very practical way what their child needs. Given the abundance of consumer products and services for parents and children, the decisions may seem overwhelming. The most reverberating truth from child development theory indicates that positive attachments between parent and child are the cornerstone of a well developed personality and good self-esteem. Attuned mothers and fathers try very hard to connect with their child in an organic balanced way. Making wise decisions about how to parent is essential, even though there is no one right answer. What is good for one child and family may be totally inappropriate for another.
      Here are some more questions that may help you make guilt free decisions. The answers will point out your motivations.
     •Are my decisions about early childhood care for my child just a reaction to what went wrong in my growing years?
     •Have I thought my decisions through and consulted with my partner?
     •Am I spending money I don’t have to keep up with the neighbors or to show off?
     •Have I lost sight of my own separate life and that of my spouse?

A social network is crucial because it gives parents a perspective on their decision making—a third eye on important child rearing issues. Contemporary parents are at a disadvantage when it comes to a social structure beyond the immediate family. The extended family was always helpful to parents who had a hard time saying no. Relatives available for hands-on child care were able to give good feedback to a mother or father who was having problems setting limits for their kids.
      The days of casual neighborhood play dates and dropping in unexpectedly on relatives are gone. Life is brutally planned to fit into Mom and Dad’s work schedule. Finding practical, safe and reliable child care is stressful in itself.
      My best advice on developing a social network is to follow your own intuitive sense of the issues that arise. This does not mean worrying or obsessing. Put your concerns into perspective. There is no way around the reality that no school, babysitter, nanny, day care, grandparent or spouse is going to follow your directions perfectly. Establish realistic expectations for people who help you out. Think about these issues:
     •Am I carefully working on developing a support system for my family?
     •Do I make an effort to see our friends and family?
     •Do I have my own good friends with similar problems whom I can rely on for support and advice?
     •Do I have enough household help that I am not too exhausted to make more serious decisions?
     •Are my expectations for teachers, friends, and babysitters realistic?

Try your hardest to differentiate yourself and separate yourself emotionally from your child. Look at your child as a unique individual who is a composite of you and your spouse’s genetic endowments living in a nurturing environment very different than what you probably experienced. Make your child’s home life optimal for your child, not a re-creation with a better ending of your growing years.
      It’s hard to be a father or mother for all the obvious physical and monetary reasons. Emotional reasons hidden from view make decisions about what to give your children very difficult. Look at your motivation. Parenting is so piercingly hard because it requires you to be objective about highly subjective issues, all the stuff that is so close to your heart.
      The hardest part of parenting is separating yourself from your child. The recipe for success when drawing this ever changing line involves mixing your own self knowledge with the opinions of respected others who know you well. (This list does not include the hairdresser, your neighbor who is jealous of you or even the teacher who can’t relate to your child.)
      Boldly make your own choices. Re-evaluate when necessary.

It makes sense and it is totally true that there is no one "right" school or "one size fits all" school for all gifted children. There is so much variation among gifted children in terms of strengths and challenges that it is mind-boggling. While one gifted child might love math and science, and really look forward to studying physics, another might be seriously involved in language and stories—maybe he or she is already making up their own tales.

Parents need to know their child's interests and motivations; then they will be able to find the right school that will challenge their child. For example, if your child likes to read and is a bookworm type of gifted kid, a very traditionally structured school may work out well. However, if your child literally jumps into everything under the sun and is always on the go, they will need a more nontraditional progressive school with lots of action. The discovery child will need a more exploratory curriculum. An artistic child will thrive in a creative and creating classroom.

Parents need to figure out how to grow their child's inner spirit if they want a child who is not afraid to be themselves. If you have questions about selecting the right school for your child you can contact me for suggestions at (310) 443-4182.

Remember to be positive about meeting your child's needs. Now that schools face budget cuts it is a good time to make inroads at your child's school and help the teacher by bringing new ideas and strategies to the classroom. Teachers and administrators most likely can’t afford to turn away your help—take advantage of their likely desperation. Get together with other like-minded parents and make the school you choose for your child the “best” school.

A parenting workshop for mothers and fathers

Thursday evenings from 6 pm – 7:30 pm

beginning June 18th

Parenting a very bright child is exciting and, yes, challenging!
Moms and dads need to learn special strategies to deal with their child’s idiosyncratic learning style, perfectionism, emotional intensity, school issues, and last but not least, their know-it-all attitude.

This workshop will discuss, in a non-judgmental manner, the actual problems of those who attend. You will have the opportunity to talk to other parents who are in similar circumstances. Often friendships are made among group members and their children.

Dr. Barbara Klein is the author of Raising Gifted Kids: Everything You Need to Know to Help Your Exceptional Child Thrive. Dr. Klein has worked with gifted children and their families for more than 30 years. She supervises two other parenting groups in her Westwood office.

Cost: $50 per person each Thursday

Contact: Dr. Barbara Klein
(310) 443-4182
BarbaraK360@aol.com

Location: 10940 Wilshire Blvd., 16th floor
Los Angeles, CA 90024

Summer is the best time for gifted children to nourish their inner lives and develop their talents and passions. The structure of school and the responsibility of homework is critical to the gifted child’s cognitive, social and emotional development, but the free time of summer is also essential. Spontaneous experiences create a more integrated sense of self. Exploration with old and new friends develops confidence. Playful experiences enhance creativity. Thus non-programmed time will deepen the interior life of the bright child.

Children need a break from their routines, and parents can provide these experiences by not over-scheduling the summer break and by involving their children in open ended experiences where they can explore the world from their own totally unique vantage points.

For larger versions of photos, go here:

http://drbarbaraklein.squarespace.com/display/ShowGallery?moduleId=3856284&galleryId=178834

On April 28, from 7 pm to 8:30 pm, I will speak to parents at the Pacific Center for Creative Learning (PCCL).

1008 Eleventh Street, Santa Monica, Calif. 90403
Two blocks north of Wilshire Blvd.
(underground parking across the street)

PCCL Gifted Child Parent Group

A new, ongoing discussion group for parents of gifted and highly gifted children. Come and share your experiences and information. Exchange tips on nurturing and supporting your child.

Guest Speaker: Barbara Klein, Ph.D., Ed.D., will address Strategies for Dealing With Perfectionism in Your Gifted Child

Cost for this session is $10. For information and to reserve a spot, call or email

Contact: Annette Yonemitsu
310-678-5472
annette@pcclschool.org

The address is

519 E Badillo St, Covina, CA 91723

See you there!

On Saturday, March 28, 2009, I will lead a GATE FAMILY educational session on meeting the needs of gifted children in grades 3-5.

From 10am to 12 noon I'll meet with the gifted students in grades 3-5 and then their parents from 1 to 2:30pm. There is a break from 12 to 1pm.

The student session will include "What it means to be gifted" and coping skills. The parent session will include a 20 minute lecture on raising a gifted child, which will then spur a question and answer forum for the remainder of the session.

I don't know the exact location.